Finding Peace Over Perfection: Christmas and Hoarded Homes
For many people, the run-up to Christmas is filled with lists: gifts to buy, food to prepare, rooms to tidy. There’s an unspoken expectation that our homes should look a certain way at this time of year — welcoming, organised, ready for visitors.
But for those living in hoarded homes, or supporting someone who is, this season can bring a very different set of emotions: overwhelm, shame, anxiety, and pressure to “fix everything” before the big day.
If that’s you, this post is for reassurance — not instructions, not judgement, and certainly not unrealistic expectations.
Hoarding is not a failure
Hoarding is not about laziness or a lack of willpower. It’s a complex condition often linked to trauma, anxiety, loss, or neurodiversity. Objects can feel safe. Letting go can feel frightening. Being told to “just have a clear-out” can feel deeply invalidating.
At Christmas, these feelings are often intensified. Messages about “fresh starts” and “perfect homes” can unintentionally reinforce the belief that you’re somehow falling short. You’re not.
Rethinking what a “tidy Christmas” really means
A tidy Christmas doesn’t have to mean a magazine-ready home. For many people living with hoarding behaviours, a meaningful goal might simply be:
Clear and safe walkways through the home
Access to essential areas like the kitchen, bathroom, or bed
One small, calm space to sit with a cup of tea or a loved one
Progress doesn’t have to be visible to others to be real. Clearing a single chair, a corner of a table, or one box is not “too small” — it’s significant.
Gentle steps, not drastic clear-outs
Christmas is not the time for forced decluttering or emotionally overwhelming decisions. In fact, pushing too hard often leads to shutdown or distress.
Instead, consider gentle, realistic steps:
Focus on function and safety first, not appearance
Choose one very small area and stop when energy runs out
Avoid sorting sentimental items during emotionally charged periods
Celebrate effort, not outcomes
If you’re supporting a loved one, remember that consent and trust matter more than speed. Removing items without agreement — even with good intentions — can be deeply upsetting and damaging to progress.
Let go of the pressure to host
If your home doesn’t feel ready for visitors, that’s okay. You are not obliged to open your doors simply because it’s Christmas. Meeting elsewhere, keeping celebrations small, or opting out altogether can be acts of self-care — not failure.
Connection does not depend on square footage or clear surfaces.
Rethinking gifts and traditions
For someone living in a hoarded home, receiving physical gifts can be stressful rather than joyful. If you’re buying for someone in this situation (or for yourself), consider non-physical alternatives:
Time together
Experiences or outings
Consumables
Help with a practical task (offered gently and without pressure)
Christmas traditions don’t have to involve decorations, extra items, or clutter. A shared meal, a phone call, a walk, or a quiet moment can be just as meaningful.
A kinder message for this season
If there’s one message to take into Christmas, let it be this:
You do not need to fix everything.
You do not need to be ready.
You do not need to meet anyone else’s standard.
This season is about warmth, safety, and kindness — especially towards yourself. Decluttering, when it happens, should be led by compassion, trust, and emotional readiness, not by a date on the calendar.
If Christmas feels hard this year, you are not alone — and nothing about that makes you a failure.
